The story am about to tell is no doubt a painful is one a wicked person such as yourself will find funny so enjoy.
Let me make it clear.
i’ve always wanted to be a musician. At first i wanted to be a rapper(dont laugh we’ve all been there) the fastest in the world like eminem but that didnt really work out *laughs to disguise pain*. So i decided i was going to be a singer like rihanna ( i used to sing work like my life depended on it ) but thats not the story i want to tell today.
We’ve all had crushes before some of who have crushed us . This is the story of how my crush crushed me and my music dreams.
*Dramatic pause
I was in Jss2 then. No doubt naive . I did not look for “love” . “Love” came to look for me one tuesday evening during evening lessons .apparently “loves” civic teacher was pregnant and my teacher just happened to be loves teachers best friend so we started taking civic classes together .
Well one doesn’t really know when all these things start maybe it was when the damned teacher used me and “love” as examples while explaining interpersonal relationship or the countless “you guys fit” i got after the class but all i know is that i woke up the next day with a crush.
And you know me i started making (since stalking social media didnt exist then) and well i found out that girls that sing are his type.
(Dont laugh)
I also found out that his favourite genre of music was fuji (yes,he was a yoruba demon) But his favourite song back then was gbese by qdot.(Man had no steeze).
Before you judge me i had a full proof plan to learn the song and slowly try to befriend him since we were going to the same interests but to do that i had to wait till holidays since i had to learn the song and there was no way i could do that since phones were not allowed in boarding school and it was towards the end of the session anyways.
End of term came and we went home and in honour of my crush i did one of the most crazy things i’d ever done.
I barbed a very crazy afro
I wanted to look the part you know like a fuji musicians girl . My parents didnt really mind since it was third term holidays and i passed my exams for the first time (story for another day) . I remember posting selfies from my nokia small phone on my facebook story during that period( thinking i had steeze).
Since i didnt know how to read or even speak yoruba then i couldn’t learn the fuji songs but you see qdot’s music i ate that shit up. everyday i’ll carry my nokia phone and put in my ear and be singing
“gbese soke gbese ,gbe bodi soke gbese omo ologo gbese ji ma sun”
*Covers face in shame*
By the time that holiday was over i was already a pro in singing in yoruba and i had accumulated enough steeze to be able to go talk to my crush (afterall i was now in Jss3 and a big girl).
Well i went back to school, fresh and full of steeze only to find out that mu crush had gotten together with his crush during the holiday .
I’m sure youre thinking i should shoot my shot . do you know who his crush is, so she and her squad can come and annihilate me abi ,you are wicked . Dont worry i’ll cry and get over it I still want to live.
As expected i was heartbroken but i got over it after a few weeks afterall it was just a crush but alas karma is a bitch and guess who’s crush left him because he did not have money😁😁
Sure he was paid back in his own coin (he really liked that his crush o) but ever since i threw any dream of ever being a singer into the gutter and i rarely sing these days or write songs like i did before( even though they didnt really make sense).
I remembered this when i was watching Ayra starrs interview on some show about her recent album’ the year i turned 21’ and i was just thinking this could have been me (it couldn’t because i’m not even 21 neither am i hot😭😭😭)
Why am i writing this?
There is no real reason i wrote this and no lesson to learn . This is simply a warning to all my friends (especially you precious) please stop linking to people romantically or hasn’t love done enough damage already?
In other news …
Eid mubarak everyone.
Mariam please my rice you said if your family people go you’ll bring the rice . i’ve been calling you since morning you did not pick . Dont forget you people still have one ram outside.
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Just kidding i dont really know anyone named mariam and it seems everyone in my area is Christian because i havent heard the cry of a ram since yesterday.
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I wanted to introduce another segment to this newsletter but we’ll talk about that next week because its already late and i want to send this out today.
(I’m sorry if you see any typos)
Omo i saw that title and thought you was calling me out😭😭. Honestly such an entertaining read!
Okay mummy 😔